Question of the Week: Are you a people pleaser?

Do you feel that you have to please everyone?

Out-of-control people pleaser

Would you call yourself a people pleaser? Do you have a difficult time telling people no when they ask you to do something? When something has been repeated to you for several days (and you know the person is hinting for you to do it), do you finally give in and volunteer to do it even though you know you don't have time? I'm trying to get out of this trap right now. There is no way I can do everything that I need to do and everything else that I think is expected of me from others. Yet because of my people-pleasing attitude, I have come very close to being committed to some sort of institute twice within the last 6 months. 

I'm very fortunate to have a husband and son who can talk to me and help me come out of the spiral fairly quickly. But most people are not as fortunate as I am, and I'm frightened that one day my spiral may be too fast or too uncontrollable to come out of without professional help if I don't learn how to say "no," "I can't do that tomorrow," or "next week is better for me". 

Image courtesy of Alena Jarrett via Unsplash

Saying no isn't selfish

This discussion may even become part of the next series that I'm going to start after I finally finish up the work-from-home series. After all, having better options is part of making life simple. Besides having human support, I also have my daily walk with God that keeps my emotions in control most of the time. There was a point in my life, though, when I was out of control on a near-daily basis. So, being emotionally upset once every six months or so is quite an improvement for me. God is the only omnipresent being in the universe. We, as humans, don't even come close. So, maybe we can work on this together.

We're always thinking of the wellbeing of others. So, we should remember how important it is for us to think of our own wellbeing from time to time. We must understand that our personal wellbeing isn't selfish. Now I know that's easier said than done, but maybe we can help each other with this. 

We don't have to be mean when we say, "no," or "another day would work better for me." We can do it in a kind way. Who knows? Eventually, the people we're trying to please may even become sensitive to our needs as well and ask, "When can you to this for me?" Or, "Do you have time to do this for me?"

In the beginning, they may get huffy or they're feelings may be hurt. But they'll get over it. How do I know this? Because they'll have something else they'll want us to do in less than a week. But the thought process here is that I think we're going to feel better and not so tired if we get control back of our lives instead of letting others control our lives for us. We're the only ones who know when we have time to do what is being asked of us. 

When to say yes

For me, there have to be some automatic yes responses so friends and loved ones don't feel like they're being put off every time they need something. So, when you actually have the time and aren't under any stress, it's okay to say yes. Emergencies should always be a yes unless you have a predicament of your own that prohibits it. Appointments are going to almost always be a yes, because life can usually be planned around those. But being an all-out people pleaser is exhausting and can lead to resentment, arguing, and a poor health situation for you. So, save your relationships and your health and say yes only when it's necessary or when YOU have time. Have a blessed day.